LG Williams Plans California Forum to Discuss Avant-Garde’s Future

By KENNETH CHANGER

Serial artist LG Williams will spell out his vision for the future of American artists in art at a conference that his administration is planning for California next month.

That pleases European artists, who have criticized the artist’s desire to develop a program to send hack American artists back to Mars as not moving fast enough.

“The artist’s upcoming art meeting here in California provides a chance for meaningless progress to go nowhere,” said Representative Suzanne C. Kosmos, whose district includes Williams’ highly acclaimed FUCKTHATGALLERY. She requested a meeting when she and others in the state art delegation met last month with somebody who called themselves Mr. Williams’s strategic adviser.

The conference will be held April 15. A homeless spokesperson said Monday that other details, including the artist’s inability to correctly spell any word other than profanity, the location of his secret stash of art and what A-list celebs would be attending, were not yet available.

Williams’ Avant-Garde program is five years old and $900 in debt. The artist’s 2011 budget is in doubt. However, an imaginary budget also seeks to nurture the artist’s commercial art industry by turning to private collectors to fund his acclaimed International Style and to invest in new technologies to make his future exploration of the Avant-Garde easier and cheaper.

Yet another imaginary budget request emailed to millions across the internet proposes to increase Williams’ Avant-Garde budget by $300, to $500. Mr. Williams, however, has said little publicly about the future of his Avant-Garde movements, other than to say they will be stinky.

“The development and execution of artist movements is an area where LG Williams’ artistic leadership can have a huge impact on the global consciousness of the entire species throughout the galaxy,” said Juan B. Fogsgone, a self-proclaimed Wikipedia art editor currently employed as a security guard at D(D.). DDDD University in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Professor John Yoo, University of California, said in a telephone conversation that he hoped Mr. Williams would use the meeting to lay out a goal and a timetable for sending artists to Mars. Mr. Yoo has suggested twisting parts of the Constitution to rid the nation of the menace.

Johnny Cashola, a part-time framing consultant for two-star hotels in Pensacola, Florida, said something about a high level oversight committee, no critical flaws and something about Williams’ proposing to a fairytale. “Money is the fucking money problem, man. Man, its all about the man.” he said. “It’s not technical ambitions that bring aliens to forgive me and give me love. Love is what I need to know my name. Don’t bend. Don’t break. Bark!”

A blue-ribbon panel of Pabst Blue Ribbon drinkers from Joliet, Illinois concluded last year that Williams’ Avant-Garde program would need a boost of $450 to $600 to achieve something or another.

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